


if the world was ending you'd come over, right?

by mimanchiandrea



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Andrew DeLuca - Freeform, Angst, Based on Grey's Anatomy, Bipolar Disorder, F/M, Fluff, Inspired by Grey's Anatomy, Meredith Grey - Freeform, Merluca - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23606050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimanchiandrea/pseuds/mimanchiandrea
Summary: A one-shot that takes place after Merluca's final scene in 16x21. Andrew comes to terms with his mental illness as he comes down from his manic episode. Meredith lets him know he is not alone in this.
Relationships: MerLuca, Meredith Grey/Andrew DeLuca
Comments: 12
Kudos: 99





	if the world was ending you'd come over, right?

Andrew tossed and turned. He had finally fell asleep for a few hours but found himself awake again. He lay on his back staring at her ceiling fan as it spun around. And then he turned his head to look at her. She lay on her side, facing him. Her hair was loose. She held a pillow between her arms like a child with a teddy bear. The sheets came just to her waist. She looked so incredibly peaceful. And beautiful. 

Andrew didn’t know what quite did it. What made him feel the way he did. One minute, he was solving Richard’s case and the next he was on the verge of falling apart. Suddenly, everything that had happened in the last several weeks came washing over him. All the people that kept saying something was wrong and he finally understood why. 

But Meredith trusted him today. She trusted him when no one else would. And he was so thankful that she found him as everything came at him. She calmed him down and offered to take him home. And after rejecting her requests numerous times prior, he finally went home with her without a fight. It was her home, but it felt like his too. He had spent so much time there in that last year, it felt like his home. 

They arrived at her place with the kids already asleep. He was thankful for that, he didn’t want them to see him like this. He couldn’t stop shaking and crying. She took him to her room and they undressed into pajamas. Thankfully, he still had clothes there that Meredith never had the heart to give back. He originally fell asleep in her arms. He had his head resting on her chest, with his arms reaching to hold her. She ran her fingers through his hair and placed kisses on the top of his head. 

Sleep didn’t last long. The thoughts kept him up. He wanted to bury himself in Meredith’s arms again to go back to sleep, but he didn’t want to wake her. He couldn’t stop thinking about the things he had done. The way he talked to people was so cruel and mean. People he respected and liked, he had treated terribly. He treated his sister horribly as well. His co-workers had seen him completely fall apart. He hit on Jo and tried to sleep with her. And worst of all, he hurt Meredith. He yelled at her. He pushed her away. He nearly cheated on her. He told her he didn’t love her. Which was so false because the only clear thought Andrew had in his head was that he loves Meredith. 

With all of this running through his mind, he made a google search. He typed in bipolar disorder. Symptoms of it. What a manic episode looked like. And the answers broke his heart. He had never felt so terrified in his life. The one thing he never wanted to happen to him, was happening to him. 

Meredith awoke to the sound of sniffling and the light coming from an iPhone. 

“Andrew?” whispered Meredith. 

Meredith sat up and saw that he was crying. 

“Hey, Andrew, hey. What’s wrong?” worried Meredith. 

Meredith wrapped her arms around him. She caressed his cheek and ran her fingers through his hair with one hand and used the other hand to massage his arm and shoulder. 

“Mer, I’m so scared. I don’t understand what’s happening with me. Look at all of this. Look at all the things bipolar does. I could hurt someone or myself. And look at the hypersexuality, what if I cheat on you? Or hurt you? Or hurt the kids? Or a patient? I almost did already. And I could have suicidal thoughts. Meredith, what am I going to do?” rambled Andrew. 

“Hey, relax. Look at me. We are going to figure this out together, okay? I promise you, everything will be alright,” calmed Meredith. 

“I yelled at you. I hurt you. I said I didn’t love you, but I do Mer, so much. I’m so sorry,” cried Andrew. 

“I know you do Andrew. I never doubted it and don’t blame yourself. You couldn’t control what was happening. I forgive you, okay? None of this was your fault. You are going to be okay. I promise you. Come lay down with me,” responded Meredith. 

Meredith guided Andrew back to laying down. They lay facing each other, snuggled up as tightly as they could. Meredith lay her hand on his cheek and placed a kiss on his forehead. 

“I love you and I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Everything is going to be okay. Okay?” promised Meredith.

“Okay. I love you,” said Andrew. 

Eventually Andrew fell back asleep. He slept for hours. Late into the morning, to the point that it was noon. Meredith spent the morning with her kids. It was a Saturday so they were home. They all really wanted to meet their new baby cousin so Maggie came to pick them up to take them. Meredith wanted to see Amelia and the baby too, but Andrew really needed her right now. Meredith told Maggie to tell Amelia that she wished she could be there and was so happy for her. 

Meredith sat on a bar stool by her kitchen island, reading a book she never had time to finish, when Andrew appeared in the doorway walking towards her. He sat on the seat next to her. Meredith placed her hand on Andrew’s back and began rubbing it. 

“Good afternoon sleepy head,” greeted Meredith. 

“Hey,” responded Andrew quietly. 

“How you feeling?” asked Meredith. 

“Better, I think. Sleep was good. But I just feel really foggy,” answered Andrew. 

“You’re probably going to feel that way for a little while longer,” stated Meredith. 

“Do you think everything will just go back to normal at some point?” questioned Andrew.

“No. Nothing will ever be the same, but you’ll find a new normal. And it might even be better. No matter what though, we’ll figure it out,” reassured Meredith. 

“Where are the kids?” asked Andrew, changing the subject.

“They went with Maggie to the hospital to meet Amelia’s baby,” replied Meredith.

“Oh, Mer you could have gone with them,” said Andrew.

“I know. But you need me right now,” responded Meredith.

“I’m sorry I’m such a burden,” apologized Andrew.

“Andrew you are not a burden. This is what partners do, they support each other. I’d rather be here with you. Stop beating yourself up,” said Meredith.

Getting back to normal would take time, if they could ever find that again. Andrew’s current state was depressed and filled with guilt. Both very common following manic episodes. The silver linings in all of it though was Andrew recognized something was wrong and was willing to get help. 

About an hour after their kitchen conversation, Maggie brought home the kids. She decided she wanted to spend more time with Richard, so she left as soon as they got there. Meredith wasn’t sure how Andrew would react to the kids in his state. He had been so disconnected with everyone in the last several weeks, she hoped for her kids’ sakes he wasn’t like that with them. They all really loved him and it was clear to her seeing as the entire time they haven’t been together, the kids have asked constantly when Andrew was coming home. Not even back or coming over, home. When was he coming home. Meredith never had the heart to tell them that they broke up and still had a tiny bit of hope, so she always changed the subject or distracted them with something else. 

The kids all ran to Andrew, exclaiming his name. They hugged him and questioned where he had been and explained how much they missed him. Andrew didn’t push them away, he embraced them. He told them that he missed them too and that he was sorry for being gone for so long, but he was here to stay now. 

The kids were just the distraction Andrew needed. Bailey taught him the new soccer moves he had learned. Zola showed him her science fair project that had won first place. And Ellis stayed attached to Andrew the entire day. Whether she was in his arms, on his lap, or standing beside him, she never left his sight. The kids did their favorite activity with Andrew, helped him cook. Today, they decided to make completely homemade pizzas with whatever topping they wanted. And then they all made homemade cookies. For the first time in weeks Andrew smiled and really smiled. And he laughed. 

It was a perfect day and just what everyone needed. They ended the night with a Disney movie, snacking on their cookies and popcorn. They slipped into their old night time routine with Meredith and Andrew helping the kids get ready for bed. They took time tucking each of the kids in, ending with little Ellis. 

“Drew?” asked Ellis.

“Yes princess,” responded Andrew. 

“Promise you won’t leave again. You stay here with us forever?” begged Ellis. 

Andrew did everything in his power not to cry. He had never dated anyone with kids before. He never knew he could feel so attached to kids that didn’t belong to him, yet felt like they did in their own unique way. He never thought that they felt the same way. He should have done more and fought harder to figure things out for them. All of them. The kids and Meredith. 

“I promise Ellis. I will never be gone that long, ever again,” promised Andrew. 

Ellis smiled so big and her eyes sparkled, just like her mother’s. Andrew bent down to give her a kiss on the forehead. Meredith and Andrew left the girls’ room and headed for Meredith’s. 

“Stop it,” demanded Meredith.

“Stop what?” questioned Andrew.

“Beating yourself up. You couldn’t be here with us and that is not your fault,” stated Meredith. 

Meredith felt like she was repeating herself on a loop. But if reminding Andrew every second of every day that being bipolar was not his fault would help him, she would do it without complaint. 

“I know, I know. I just-I hate this. Everything about this,” sighed Andrew. 

“I know,” responded Meredith. 

Andrew looked at her like he still wasn’t sure. Like he was still lost. Still hurting. 

“Come on let’s lay on the bed,” said Meredith. 

They laid down and Meredith snuggled into Andrew’s chest. Andrew breathed in the sweet smell of Meredith’s shampoo as he snuggled her in tighter. Oh how he had missed her. 

“Can I kiss you?” asked Andrew, quietly after minutes had passed. 

Meredith looked up at him and smiled, then placed her hand on his cheek.

“Yes. E non smettere mai (and never stop),” agreed Meredith. 

Meredith leaned down and placed her lips on his. It reminded them both of when they had their first real kiss on the roof. Slow. Sensual. Tender. And full of love. 

Andrew wasn’t sure if he was prepared for the new life he was going to live, but he knew he could get through it. He has her. She loves him, she trusts him, and she is not going anywhere.


End file.
